Grief in the workplace (1)

In a room at the Dutch Association of Insurers there are about fifteen HR managers and employees of insurers. The Working Group on Coherent Employability Policy regularly organises master classes on behalf of the parties to the collective labour agreement (Verbond, FNV Finance, CNV and De Unie). This time under the title Mourning in the workplace. In front of the group are Mr. Eurydice Janga, adviser on mourning, and Prof. Manu Keirse, emeritis professor at the Catholic University of Leuven. Janga is a lawyer, grief professional and experience expert. As a grief coach, she guides employees when they are (at risk of) getting stuck due to grief. In addition, she advises employers on absenteeism prevention in mourning and provides training. Keirse is known as an authority when it comes to mourning and has the necessary titles to his name as an author, including Fingerprint of Grief. He has been dealing with grief loss for fifty years and knows how best to deal with grief. And especially how not. "Often, despite all good intentions, the wrong things are done. And said." His inspiring story, in which he shares many tips and practical examples, follows in part 2. In this first part about mourning in the workplace , Eurydice's (personal) experiences.   

Personal theme

That mourning is not only an impactful, but also a personal theme is evident from her story. Eurydice is twenty when her mother dies. She lives in rooms and studies in Utrecht, but would like to take care of her brother. This means that she must be registered 'at home' again. Can't, because her mother has to give permission for that. "Don't ask me how and why, but it worked. Unfortunately, we had to move three months later."

"Knowledge is so incredibly important. For us as people, but certainly also in the workplace"

Success as the only option

Eurydice remains upright all this time. She has to arrange all kinds of things and has firmly resolved that she must not fail. Success is her only option. So she braces herself, finishes her studies and takes care of her brother. "Only now, twenty years later, do I see the impact that my mother's death has had on my life. And on my work and relationships. I have been in survival mode for a long time. No one could tell me anything about mourning and sorrow at the time. If I had had a mentor, it would still have been difficult, but I would have been able to deal with grief in a better way. The impact would have been really different. Knowledge is so incredibly important. For us as human beings, but certainly also in the workplace, because the consequences are enormous."

Lack of knowledge

According to her, there are three factors that are important. The first has to do with a lack of knowledge. "A grieving brain is on edge for months. Loss of concentration, less decisiveness and making more mistakes are normal reactions. Recovery can vary and take months to sometimes two years."
Her motto: provide more knowledge in-house, but also space and understanding. "Talk to that employee. An employee who is ashamed and has to arrange many things will not easily take the first step to start a conversation. Ask specifically what he/she needs. Also prevent the guidance from depending on chance or the interpretation of a manager. Structure helps and a protocol gives direction, but keep in mind that everyone deals with loss differently. Flexibility and customisation can really make a difference."

"An employee wants nothing more than for life to be normal again"

Shame

She has personally experienced that a grieving employee 'just' wants to work and sees this reflected in the people she supervises. "An employee wants nothing more than for life to be normal again. But the threshold for indicating that you are stuck is very high. An employee is ashamed. Is this normal? Am I normal? No one wants to be an exception. And in the meantime, the employer says: now is the time to let go!"

Loss 

That's where things often go wrong, she emphasises. "As an employer, take the first step so that you can prevent unnecessarily long absence. It is nice that the Collective Labor Agreement for the Insurance Company includes a best-efforts obligation in the event of mourning after death, but the loss goes much further than just that. Just think of loss after a divorce, a move, emigration, job loss or illness of a colleague. Many employers do not realise this sufficiently, but mourning affects the entire organisation."  

Grief buddy 

At the end of her argument, she shows a picture with three blocks. At the top, the individual is central, in the middle the team and at the bottom the organisation. "I just want to show that an employer must look at grief and loss on three levels. The first is: what happens to the employee? Does it help him/her if we adjust the working hours a bit in the beginning? Or have the employee picked up at home? The second is the team: what happens in that team? Imagine that one of your dearest colleagues has experienced a great loss and is grieving. That touches and then it helps if the team knows what it can and may do to help. The third and final is the organisation that can do many different things. For example, make a grief policy or provide professional guidance after death. You can also appoint a grief buddy internally. A lot is possible, but one thing is clear to me: just including bereavement leave in the collective labour agreement is not enough to prevent absenteeism!"